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Ephesians 4:29 tells us: Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Have you ever been asked a question by someone and, based on your response, the person walked away defeated or broken? I have been there.

Recently, a friend talked about some issues she was having with her teenage daughter. For instance, her daughter was disregarding the rule to be home at the agreed time. My friend shared with me the conversation she had with her daughter. She also talked about the changes she put in place to help her daughter better navigate the responsibility and freedom that comes with getting older. The changes were working, and my friend seemed so proud of the way she handled the issue. She asked what I thought about her approach.

For years I served in youth ministry at church. There were lots of highs and lots of lows. Much of the lows for me came from watching teenagers make choices that resulted in negative and lasting consequences. The behavior of my friend’s daughter stirred strong emotions within me.

Without taking a moment to consider the usefulness of what I was about to say to my friend, I went on and on about the challenges confronting today’s teens and how parents needed to be tough. Several minutes later when I finally stopped talking, it was obvious that my friend’s demeanor had changed. She seemed so deflated.

On the surface, offering an opinion does not sound like a terrible issue. In fact, when someone asks my opinion, as a believer I should respond with honesty. However, my honesty does not mean my opinion should be given in a way that is unkind. Nor does it mean that I should make the person feel inadequate. And I certainly should not offer an opinion that is not useful or beneficial to the person’s situation.

Ephesians 4:29 tells us: Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Had I been living out the goal of offering words to build up others as in Ephesians 4:29, my response to my friend would have been encouraging and from a heart of love. The words I shared with my friend that day did not achieve this.

My friend had used wisdom in resolving the issue with her daughter and the changes were working. I don’t think I would have done anything differently. So, here’s a thought. I could have simply praised her for the way she handled the situation.

God is concerned about every aspect of my life. This means he is concerned about how I engage with people. On my own, I fall short… the way I did with my friend that day. I need God’s help so that in all my interactions, I build others up so they can live better lives. I also need God’s help so that, through my words and actions, seeds are planted that steer people to Jesus Christ.