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Jim, would you like to share your story?

I can. Let me just start by saying that life can make you angry.

Why do you say that?

I am not sure if I will ever forget that day. Mom opened the door for me as she oftentimes did when I got home from school. When I stepped inside, I saw a suitcase next to the living room sofa. I looked over at Mom. She had an odd expression on her face. Dad was sitting at the kitchen table. His back to me. Mom gave me a quick hug and asked if I could sit and talk for a moment. I never saw the signs. I was 16 and maybe that explains my innocence. Mom said that dad needed some time away from the marriage. That he needed a break. It didn’t make any sense to me. My parents did most things together. Grocery shopping. Cooking dinner. They talked. And they laughed. A lot. Why would dad need time away from mom? From me? From our family?

Is this why you are angry?

Put yourself in my shoe. I came home from school one day and found out that the loving home I thought we had was no more.

I can imagine how that made you feel.

Can you? I watched my dad walk out of the door, put his suitcase into the backseat of his car, and drive away. He never came back.

How long has it been?

Fifteen years ago. Do you know what is so sad about that?

What?

After all of these years I am still carrying around the anger from him walking out on us. It has destroyed so much of my life.

So sorry to hear that. Did you and your family have people offer support? For example, people from the church your family attended?

Our situation was complicated.

What do you mean?

Without saying too much, our family missed church the first Sunday after dad left. Then we missed church the Sunday after that. Before we knew it, months had gone by and we hadn’t gone back to church. Mom didn’t need to give me a reason why we were staying home. I knew enough to know that she didn’t want to talk about dad leaving. As for me, I didn’t care if we ever went back to church. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea that the God dad talked about, the God who was supposed to be so loving, could not stop him from leaving. Couldn’t stop him from tearing our family apart. Guess you could say I was also a bit angry at God.

Why then did you go back to church?

I can credit my coworker Ben with that. He was always inviting me to church. I finally gave in and went. It took about a year but I eventually started going to church almost every Sunday. At the end of each service the pastor would always ask if people wanted to make Jesus Lord and Savior of their lives. I never felt ready. Then one Sunday I stepped out into the aisle and walked down to the altar. That was three years ago.

How has the past three years been?

If you are asking me if I still attend church regularly, I do. I read my Bible. And I try to pray. But…

But what?

No matter what I do, I can’t figure out why…

Figure out what?

When dad left mom, she was angry. But she eventually forgave dad and moved on. And here I am, after all of these years, still struggling to break free of my anger.

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The story above is the experience of many believers today. People who, no matter how hard they try, can’t seem to overcome their struggles with anger. In truth, it need not be anger with a parent, as in Jim’s story. It could be anger from a failed marriage. Anger with a relative. A friend. A supervisor. Or even anger about a son or daughter who is not living the way we think they should. No matter the cause of our anger, as James 1:20 says: Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires (NLT).

It is easy to think that “the righteousness that God desires” is about doing what is right by our own standards. If that were the case, ignoring or suppressing our anger could be considered the right thing to do. The only problem with this is that the anger is still there, waiting for the next opportunity so it can be triggered.

The righteousness in James 1:20 is about living our lives in a way that honors God. Living in a way that reflects our relationship with God. This means then that our anger cannot just be ignored or suppressed. The anger must be rooted out. It must be cast away. To achieve this, we must be transformed.

Romans 12:2 says: And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

The renewal here is not something we can do without God’s help. That is, we need the Holy Spirit to reveal to us things in our minds that need to be changed. We need the Holy Spirit to reveal to us things that hinder our ability to live victoriously in Christ Jesus.

If your attempts to overcome anger have failed, I urge you to not let this moment pass without asking God for help. And when you ask, be willing to submit to the Holy Spirit’s leading. Submit until the anger is gone. And when the anger is gone, remain submitted to the leading of the Holy Spirit so that you can continue the process of being transformed.

I end with this. It is from 2 Corinthians 3:18:

So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image (NLT).

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Except where indicated, scripture references are from the American Standard Version (ASV), Darby Translation (DARBY), or King’s James Version (KJV) – all public domain.